Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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