You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
