How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
