he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
