oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
