dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
