You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
