I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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