you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
