I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this hospital has no fireball
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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