I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
