Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
