I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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