biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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