What a fucking waste of an outfit
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
