just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
