I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
