JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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