Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
