There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
