What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
