im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
