i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
