What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
