She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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