his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
