I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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