one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
