I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
