I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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