i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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