You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We left the knife in your bed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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