Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
