Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
