gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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