those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
