dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
