Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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