Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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