she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
