woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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