u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
