alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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