Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
