Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize