I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
