White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
