just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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