the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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