so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
