What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
