Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
