I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
