She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
