it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
