just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
