Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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