Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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