The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
