Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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