Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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