In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
