Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
