Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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