Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women

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  (586): A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women http://tfl.nu/ivdc
  Replies (3) Good night (1711) Bad night (615)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

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  (774): dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high http://tfl.nu/yu6x
  Replies (49) Good night (7630) Bad night (981)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

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  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4708) Bad night (1143)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

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  (504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6
  Replies (23) Good night (5897) Bad night (1093)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.

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  (813): So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one. http://tfl.nu/vysc
  Replies (8) Good night (3789) Bad night (2371)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart

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  (484): judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart http://tfl.nu/l5ge
  Replies (2) Good night (2405) Bad night (896)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

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  (803): Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization. http://tfl.nu/ap11
  Replies (13) Good night (981) Bad night (3134)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.

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  (713): I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies. http://tfl.nu/hoog
  Replies (3) Good night (2142) Bad night (663)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"

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  (262): In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it" http://tfl.nu/19mj
  Replies (6) Good night (694) Bad night (1715)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I told you he wasn't attractive.

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..

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  (440): I told you he wasn't attractive. (1-440): Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf.. http://tfl.nu/x2hn
  Replies (9) Good night (463) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.

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  (940): BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic. http://tfl.nu/0fj8
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (496)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it

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  (276): She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it http://tfl.nu/zw5c
  Replies (3) Good night (340) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.

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  (+61): Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me. http://tfl.nu/fsyn
  Replies (0) Good night (706) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?

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  (478): Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night? http://tfl.nu/3zr4
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (290)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass

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  (574): You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass http://tfl.nu/1vlu
  Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (389)

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