the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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