I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits