i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere