ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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