well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
