Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.