I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain