I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants