Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

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  (801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6
  Replies (47) Good night (4600) Bad night (993)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..

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  (304): she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously.. http://tfl.nu/exbf
  Replies (24) Good night (1449) Bad night (6622)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

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  (205): Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/viom
  Replies (26) Good night (7642) Bad night (1468)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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  (337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s
  Replies (6) Good night (2777) Bad night (799)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg

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  (860): nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg http://tfl.nu/ezvc
  Replies (6) Good night (3273) Bad night (681)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.

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  (902): So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend. http://tfl.nu/e1lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (536)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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  (443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love. http://tfl.nu/12sb
  Replies (8) Good night (3576) Bad night (583)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.

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  (608): You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out. http://tfl.nu/pyc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1270) Bad night (559)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you are graduating this semester.

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  (484): my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete. (215): so you are graduating this semester. http://tfl.nu/j7mj
  Replies (3) Good night (1339) Bad night (488)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.

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  (289): Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel. http://tfl.nu/rxj6
  Replies (8) Good night (951) Bad night (848)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea

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  (613): Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea http://tfl.nu/b2wl
  Replies (6) Good night (386) Bad night (772)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.

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  (512): Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess. http://tfl.nu/vcjk
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (266)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.

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  (336): Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/v7i7
  Replies (6) Good night (820) Bad night (334)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.

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  (330): I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night. http://tfl.nu/a30e
  Replies (0) Good night (774) Bad night (217)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION

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  (647): HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION http://tfl.nu/2yk9
  Replies (4) Good night (336) Bad night (584)

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