I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
