Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
